Doing What Matters Trumps Being Nice

While the ARE team is on summer break, we are publishing some of our most popular posts from the past year. This one originally appeared under the title "Don't Let The Crazies Take Over the Playground" in January 2010. 

Don't underestimate the importance of cultivating healthy relationships in your organization. Leadership blogger Jon Gordon reminds us today that research has found successful marriages have a 5-1 ratio of positive interactions. Similarly, workgroups with a 3-1 ratio of positive interactions are more effective. 

It's not all just about being happy-bunny at work, though. Pretending that all is wonderful when it's not is no better than scowling your way through everyday, ignoring all the good stuff. Gordon reports that workgroups with an 11-1 ratio of positive interactions are less effective. 

The point is: Leaders cultivate healthy relationships. i.e., positive and honest. 

Lots of the organizations we work with are reeling these days. The effects of the recession are being exacerbated by pre-existing internal conflict over which direction they should be headed in the face of a rapidly changing culture. Given all of this anxiety, it's no wonder some people are behaving badly. But very few leaders seem to be willing to deal with bad behavior, especially in nonprofit and faith-based settings, where people often value "being nice" more than they value doing what matters.

Are you seeing any of these unhealthy behaviors in your organization these days?:

• Complaining
• Gossiping
• Doomsdaying (i.e., hysterical predictions that the world–or at least the organization–is coming to an end)
• Withdrawing (e.g., people stop participating or contributing)
• Threatening (e.g., giving ultimatums like "if you don't do what i want then i will leave")
• Bullying (i.e., trying to force their agenda on you and/or on other members of your organization)

Your job as a leader is to call people out when they behave like this. Be respectful (ok, nice, even). Invite them to share their concerns with you. Listen. But make it very clear: 

We don't act that way in this organization. 

If you don't draw the line, insisting that people behave in healthy ways, you put everyone in your organization–and the well being of the organization itself–at risk. When people are anxious, they need to know they can count on you to make sure the crazies and the meanies don't take over the playground. And why should anyone stick with you if you can't or won't do that? 

If you're really serious about doing what matters, get serious about cultivating healthy relationships. And that might mean, in stressful times especially, playing the role of playground monitor.

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We'll be back with new posts after our summer break is over on August 9th. If you have to work while we're away, work playfully!