People Want To Know Who You Are

Think of someone who has really inspired you to try something new, dream a new dream, or take a risk. What was it about them that got you fired up? What did they say or do that ignited passion in you? It's worth reflecting on these questions because part of your job as a leader is to ignite passion in others. 

Michael Useem, director of the Center for Leadership and Change Management at the Wharton School, suggests in a recent article in the Washington Post that truly inspiring leaders have learned to tell their own stories:

"It is for this reason that Barack Obama's "Dreams from My Father" proved so important in his campaign for the White House. That is why company executives provide a personal story when opening a meeting the rank and file. It explains why German Chancellor Angela Merkel chose to remind a large audience, of which I was a part, that she had grown up in East Germany. It accounts for the oft-made observation that Abraham Lincoln became one of the country's greatest president despite - or maybe even because of - his log-cabin origins."

People don't really want to hear about what your past accomplishments are, Useem says. They're not, finally, interested in what you did and they're only slightly more interested in what you say you're going to do. 

What they are really interested in is who you are.

And story-telling is one way to help people get to know you. Whether you're telling your story orally or in writing, here are SEVEN RULES OF STORY-TELLING to follow:

• Actually tell a STORY - "Telling your story" doesn't mean giving a blow by blow account of your life. That's about as boring as watching a slide show of somebody else's vacation pictures. Think back through your life and pick a single story to tell, one that gives a good picture of who you are and what's important to you. 

• Pick a story the people you're talking to can relate to -  You don't have to tell the same story over and over! Eventually you'd get sick of telling it, anyway. Pick a story that makes sense in the situation or speaks into your context. If you're talking to a group of elderly people, tell a story about an elderly relative. If you're talking to a group of teens, tell a story from your growing up years. Read your audience and connect with them. 

• Make it brief - There's nothing worse than somebody who rambles on than somebody who rambles on about him or herself.  

• Make a point - Why are you telling this story? What does it have to do with anything? What's the point?! Don't make people guess. And if you don't know, don't tell it. For example, are you trying to inspire people to work together for the sake of your common purpose? Then tell a story that explains why the purpose or your organization is so important to you! Or one that explains why you think working together is the key to success. 

• Don't be afraid to get naked - OK, not literally. But great story-telling is REAL. It's about real people with real emotions. And that means it touches people's hearts. Don't be afraid to let people see the real you. Most often all that means is learning the power of a PAUSE. Let's say in your story you're 10 years old and your dog gets hit by a car. You say, "Fluffy was just a puppy. She didn't know any better. She was chasing my ball and it bounced into the street. She chased it. Fluffy taught me my first lesson about the fragile nature of life and the enduring nature of love." PAUSE. You don't have to get all melodramatic. In fact, that's just gross. But do give them time to see the story unfold in their own minds. Give them time to take in what you've said so that their hearts can catch up. Few things pack an emotional punch more than a well timed pause.

• Never be the hero of your own story  - This might seem like a paradox next to the previous bullet point. On the one hand, get real with people. On the other, don't be the point of your own story! Use your story to lift up other people, important ideals, key ideas. Talk about something you've learned from somebody else rather than something you've taught. You're already in the spotlight. Use it to shine on the things that really matter rather than yourself.

• Above all, be funny - Whatever you do, don't be afraid to poke a little fun at yourself. Useem says that when Ronald Reagan was campaigning he used to say "Thomas Jefferson once observed, 'One should not worry about chronological age compared to the ability to perform the task.' Ever since Thomas Jefferson told me that, Reagan quipped, I stopped worrying about my age."  Nothing will help people connect to you quicker than self-deprecating humor. People don't like people who like themselves too much. Show people that you know you're "just people" too.  

Your people want to know who you are. Go ahead and tell them. Just remember that they'll be measuring your actions against the stories you tell. 

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If you found this topic interesting, click here for a related post titled "u no who u r" about the lessons one speaker/story-teller learned when he invited his audience to text their feedback while he was speaking! You can find it at Kelly's old blog.

Comments

[Lori L. Jacobwith]

Excellent advice! I teach "story telling" for nonprofits and this is a resource I'll share with many.

[Ivy]

Great post. Thank you. Since my CPE is in a retirement community, I appreciate the reference to the elderly. Glad you were at LTSG last month. Peace.

[John Dornheim]

This sounds like what I taught in community organizing. One on one conversations are the building blocks and this is very pertinent to that.