This morning on my way home from teaching a class on leadership to a group of pastors-in-training I talked to a good friend who is having an unfortunate season. Some of the issues are related to work; most are home-based. Funny thing, though: This normally positive, purposeful, passionate leader was seeing everything through this rotten lens. So even the good stuff in this leader's life and work looked bad.
I'm afraid that, given the trajectory our economy seems to be on, you and I are going to a) BE that person more and more often and/or b) ENCOUNTER people in our organizations who are.
It would be easy, these days, to find yourself losing it. The news out there is scary. The anxiety level in our workplaces, neighborhoods, churches & temples, favorite nonprofit groups - and maybe even in our homes - is high.
But most of us don't function well at Orange Alert. Just watch people in an airport security line being barked at to take off their shoes and put their toothpaste in a baggie. Watch the barkers. We get irritable and impatient. We look around for somebody to blame. We grow wary of outsiders, unwilling to share our personal space, guarded when it comes to our possessions. We don't smile much.
It's bad enough when a brief airport experience is like this. But this kind of behavior is deadly when it characterizes your organization or, even worse, your life.
Part of your job as a leader is to see possibilities and help others see them, too, even in the most challenging times. That requires having a positive outlook. These days, for a lot of us, that's going to require some real intentionality. In other words, we're going to have to decide to be positive.
Now, here's where I think I can be helpful. You see, unlike the friend I talked to this morning, I am not naturally a positive person. It's something I have to work at. So I'm going to give you my best seven tips for maintaining a positive outlook. And I oughtta know:
Tip # 1 - Watch your language.
You've heard it said that you are what you eat, right? Well, interestingly, Jesus said the opposite. He said it's not what you put into your body that ruins you, it's what comes out! And I have found it to be true that my own words can make all the difference in how I think and how I act. What kind of picture are you painting for yourself - and for the people in your organization - with the words you use? If you're not sure, start keeping track of how many times you say the words "can't" and "won't." Try saying "can" and "will" more. Pay attention to your response when people bring an idea. Do you start making a list of all the reasons it'll never work?Try listening first and asking purposeful questions, instead. Use positive words and you'll find yourself thinking and acting positively, too.
Tip # 2 - Count your blessings.
I don't care if Oprah said it first: She's right! In Genesis 13 the Lord tells Abraham to "walk the land" he has been given. In other words, take stock of it all! Make a mental list everyday. Write it down if you have to. Do it multiple times a day when things are really dark. You probably have more assets, talents, skills, passions, opportunities, friends, and resources of every kind than you even know!
Tip #3 - Control your impulses.
If you're in a bad place emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, or any other way --- don't speak, decide, or act too quickly. Give yourself time to breathe, reflect, regain perspective. In meetings, I often ask for a timeout when the group gets off track, frustrated, or begins spiraling into a black hole of negativity. Often, I'm the one who needs it most.
Tip #4 - Keep your perspective.
One effective leader I know, whose organization has had more than its share of bumps & bruises lately, has been reminding people: "Look, post-Katrina New Orleans was a tragedy. This is not." I have found in my own life and work that, no matter how bad things are, there is always somebody out there who is dealing with worse.
Tip #5 - Get your rest.
When one of my teammates was little, she says, and being crabby or obstinate, her mother would say: "Go take a nap." She still hears that voice in her head once in awhile --- and she does it! Make time for sleep. You just can't maintain a positive attitude when you're exhausted.
Tip #6 - Choose your friends wisely.
This is especially important for those of us who aren't positive by nature. I have an even lower tolerance than most people, I think, for friends who are whiny and negative, who see the worst in everything, and who always have to be pulled along into the new and different. Why? Because they magnify my own worst impulses. I need friends who not only see the positive side of things but who are able and willing to call me out when I'm being dumb and laugh with me at my own doom & gloom tendencies. Are your friends helping or hurting your effort to choose a positive outlook? Pick 'em carefully. (P.S. By the end of our conversation this morning, my friend was laughing. She was glad, I think, for my call. One dark day, I know, I'll need HER on the other end of the phone for me.)
Tip #7 - Tend your spirit.
Being positive is, finally, about having hope for the future. Where does your hope come from? Identify the source of your hope and then get intentional about reconnecting with it. Pray. Walk. Worship. Volunteer. Journal. Find a spiritual conversation partner. Meditate. Do whatever it takes to nurture that which gives you hope and helps you see the possibilities that are, in fact, all around you.
- Kelly Fryer
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